Friday, June 10, 2005

Poker Sucks

Former Champ Kicked out on First Hand
What the hell is it with all the poker losing? I mean, sheeeeit. Just no love in Seattle from the poker fairy for Jarold.

Both games, The Doctor went operating early on (thanks for that classic line, pete) only to eventually lose both games.

I noticed a certain Peter Cudmore didn't update his Read 'em and Weep standings. Could it be because the mighty hath fallen? Does it hurt so much to put another's name in the big, bold H1 size text at the top of the winner's mountain? Even Matt's erratic betting tactics weren't quite random enough to save him this night.

The beginner's magic rule is still valid, though. Stacey had "never played before" and seemed to take everyone's chips quite quickly. Oh, I've only got two pair. TWO pairs of twos. Oh, does that win? Hmmmmmm...you know, the way she shuffled cards like a Las Vegas Venetian black jack dealer should have been a clear hint.

But Stacey's "beginner's luck" didn't help her against the wrath of Eric who cleaned up both games and is now the current winnings leader with a profit of $100.

The last game was funny to have the 3 Americans left in the game. It is after all Texas Hold 'em and not Wales Hold 'em.

Oh, and Warren, you really shouldn't talk smack to people in the game when you've already been eliminated. I can't remember what Warren said to Stacey, but the conversation went something like...

Warren: [insert smart-alecky statement to Stacey]
Stacey: Do you remember how fast you got out?

Ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo.

Thursday, June 09, 2005

Comments Are Now Open to the Public

Nothing exciting happened today...scratch that. The sun came out today and all the Washingtonians celebrated by (much to my displeasure) exposing their pasty, hairy white legs in their one pair of shorts. You'd think we'd elected a competent president the way people were smiling, finally being able to don their over-priced shades they bought the last time the sun had shown itself that one day last summer. 'Twas a sight indeed the sun.

In other news, I have recently been exposed to Scott "The Doctor"'s genius. Get your minds out of the gutter, you twats. I'm talking about "Borrocks." What is "Borrocks?" How can I put this...well, if you don't like that last email your boss sent you...Borrocks! If on IM your girlfriend tells you her girl friend is getting married and you might be suspecting she's...Borrocks! When your best buddy emails you about his trip to Florida and the 20 women he bagged. BORROCKS!!!

It's wit meets sushi. It's genius. It's Borrocks!

Saturday, June 04, 2005

Trombipulator

Trombipulation @ Big Time Brewery
So I get lost because Seattle's got two sets of every street. There's a University Ave/Street/whatever on one side of the 520 with its corresponding 1st, 2nd, 3rd, etc. streets, and another with matching numbered streets on the other. Luckily people here are nice and gave me directions to University and 41st on the other side of town. Did I mention that people up here are nice? Like genuinely nice? Not everyone, but a good deal. To the people of San Diego and the rest of Southern California, the world doesn't revolve around you. Yeah, sorry.

Anyway, met up with the UK guys down in the University area. There's this place called Big Time Brewery and they've got this beer called The Trombipulator. 10% alcohol of pure joy. It's so awesome that they don't sell it in pitchers. You can only order by the pint, and if you can't say "Trombipulator" when ordering, they close your tab. No joke. Ah, but there's a workaround. Just as for "The Trom."

Anyhow, we go to Pioneer Square later on that night and Nick and Pete accompany me to find a parking spot. It's a few blocks away, but no big deal. So we're walking back, j-walking, like normal downtown patrons.

Why aren't all those people crossing? There aren't any cars about at all.

OH.

Hello, officer

Officer 1: So you boys mind telling me why we have these crosswalk lights?
Jarold: I uh...um...
Officer 2: Any reason why we shouldn't make you guys pretty car hood decorations?
Pete: ...
Nick: ...
Well, uh...sorry?
There are a lot of drunk drivers around be careful.
Will do! Thanks, sir.

And thenceforth I was known as "J-walk" at the poker table.

Oh, and I think I have a poker name for Warren. "Tiger." Aparently, the American pronunciation is the only one understandable in Thai Restaurants.

More pics from that day (pre-Pioneer Square)
on my fotopage.

Friday, June 03, 2005

Checker Chess and Poker

Actually, no checker or chess. Just poker.

Sometimes being the veteran poker player isn't such an advantage. For one, you've got to teach everyone how to play. Two, the n00bz you're playing against are like baby rattle snakes -- unpredictable with uncontrolled venom. They call you when you're sure they'll fold and they'll fold after committing a 3rd of their chips. I mean who stays in with an 8, 3 off suited? MATT CARROLL DOES. And apparently is rewarded with a 4 of a kind. TWICE. The perfect poker players really -- those baby rattlers.

But poker's really about hanging out with the friends and drinking some beer. At least that's what the losers say.

Check out Pete's site for a couple pics and his [in]famous Read 'em and Weep standings. And this guy was the one who asked me what the order of the hands were as he raked in all our chips (and eventually cash).

Oh, yeah, I forgot to mention that most of us have poker nicknames now:
  • Nick "Le Renard D'argent" Denny (The Silver Fox. Yes, we know it really means "The Money Fox," but we're using it as money being a silver piece. Quite a play on words, no?)
  • Scott "The Doctor" Belmonte
  • Matt "Big Boy" Carroll
  • and Jarold "J-walk" Espiritu (I think that's the tentative one anyway)

Meeting The Man

Yup. That's really it.  'The Man.'Ah yes, The Man. AKA the spicest hot sauce this side of the Mississippi.

You see, here at MS we have this team lead and he seems to be a nice guy and all, even offering to take an extended lunch out to a popular barbecue joint - Dixie's. Awesome. Or is it? I kid you not, after Gene Porter (friendly guy, owner of Dixie's, and maker of "The Man") slopped an over generous 1/3 teaspoon (1/3 teaspoon? Is that it? Come up and try some, then. I dare you) on my plate, I barely touched the stuff with my fork and it felt like a forest fire was set ablaze in my mouth and was going to engulf my whole head.

I'm glad the other blokes had a good laugh while I proceeded to drink half the tub of water and used a small tree's worth of napkins to whipe the unending sweat beading from my forehead.

Oh yeah, and have your money and order ready when you get to the register or you'll be made a fool. Think "No soup for you. One year!" The experience is absolutely terrific.

Next time you're in Redmond (or even the Seattle area), Go meet The Man.